Many young people consider marriage an obsolete institution nowadays. Here are some probable reasons I see:
- Independence: Millennials are the best educated generation ever, offering women equal career opportunities never seen in prior times. Many of these women see marriage as primarily an economic arrangement, wherein their mothers didn’t have the education, skillset, or confidence to be independent of their husbands for security. The daughters now aspire to be more like their fathers than their mothers.
- Freedom: With earning power and financial wherewithal, young men and women alike want freedom to roam the world, explore relationships, and experience life to the fullest. Theirs is the YOLO (You Only Live Once) generation. They don’t want to be “captured and placed in a cage” by marriage, with much less degrees of freedom. Millennials want “significant others” but without defining the relationship.
- Contract Avoidance: When both parties of a romantic relationship are financially independent, they tend to avoid legal entanglements that come with marriage (and possible downstream divorce)
- Bleak Outlook on the World: Millennials are painfully aware that the American Dream (two-car garage home with 2.5 children, a dog and a SUV) is dead for them. They see endless regional wars and massive displaced migrants all over the world. They hear about dwindling supply of key resources, including energy (vital for everything else), food and water. They see rising civil unrest abroad and at home. Why would they embrace the idea of bringing children into this increasingly hostile world? Why get married if not to have children?
- PTSD (Post-traumatic stress disorder): Boomers and Gen-Xers had >50% divorce rate. Even marriages held together were nothing like “Leave It to Beaver”. Many Millennials vividly remember ugly interchanges, accusations, and blame as part of their childhood. Now armed with education, they take a long time to analyze their own romantic relationships to ensure long term compatibility. “Analysis paralysis” and ultimate breakups are common, — delaying marriage.
- Gender Neutrality: unlike the old days when boys were boys and girls were girls, there is much less intrigue and sexual tension between genders these days. Young men and women bond over common interests like playing video games in a mixed group (more often online than physically in person) rather than one-on-one “chocolate and roses” dates (that would appear too “clingy”). Even on a date, both spend more time on their own smartphones than gazing into each other 's eyes. Terse Instant Messaging (instead of infrequent but long, passionate phone calls) may be “convenient”, but does not build intrigue and engender deep exploration of emotions. It can quickly leads to boredom. The digital age of social media simply does not foment conditions for “falling madly in love”.
Sure, there are still “traditional” (stability-seeking “steady Eddy”) millennials who abide by parental (and religious) expectations and dutifully rush into marriage and family formation. But statistics (low birthrates, low rates of marriages and even ‘non dating” trends) suggest they are the exception rather than the rule nowadays. This is true not only of America but Japan and other developed countries, and China as well.
